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Jun 29 06 12:14 PM

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The picture illustrates the development of Chorleywood, a village near London whose population has increased steadily since the middle of the nine teenth century

In the initial stage, the original village was only a small area which located in the east side along the main road. There are only two roads outside of the village

From 1883, the village extended three times as large as the original one to the south. The new area was also in the same direction of the western main road to the old village and along this road. Besides it, a railway crossing the extended area was built

In the third stage of the development of the village from 1922, the area doubled to the second stage and was built along the south of the railway.

The fourth stage experienced the most significant development of Chorleywood. Its size was about two times as large as this in third stage. There was also a motorway built and it was parllel to the western main road. All of these new location was expanded around the main roads, the motor way and ther railway. As can be seen, A local park and a golf course was settled in the center of the village.

End.
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thaikinh

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Posts: 40

#1 [url]

Jun 29 06 6:15 PM

- Total words: 205 ==> quite well (counted using MS Word )
- There are some mistakes, but I think because you typed so fast

QUOTE
The picture illustrates the development of Chorleywood, a village near London whose population has increased steadily since the middle of the nine teenth century

In the initial stage, the original village was only a small area which located in the east side along the main road. There are only two roads outside of the village

From 1883, the village extended three times as large as the original one to the south. The new area was also in the same direction of the western main road to the old village and along this road. Besides it, a railway crossing the extended area was built

In the third stage of the development of the village from 1922, the area doubled to the second stage and was built along the south of the railway.

The fourth stage experienced the most significant development of Chorleywood. Its size was about two times as large as this in third stage. There was also a motorway built and it was parllel to the western main road. All of these new location was expanded around the main roads, the motor way and ther railway. As can be seen, A local park and a golf course was settled in the center of the village.


- "...village near London whose population has increased..." :there is no infomation about the population, so you should not mention about this in your essay.
- I think the role of contructions (like railway, station, motorway...) is very important to the developement of Chorleywood, so you should emphasize them in your essay, e.g: "after the motorway was built in..., there was a significant developement in the Eastern area of Chorleywood..."

Anyway, it is my opinion only. In general, I think your essay is good. This is a quite difficult topic, my essay is not enough 150 words

I try to use English as much as possible but correct me if I'm wrong ...

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#3 [url]

Jun 30 06 8:31 PM

QUOTE (dr_aibolit @ June 29, 2006 05:14 am)
The picture illustrates the development of Chorleywood, a village near London whose population has increased steadily since the middle of the nine teenth century

In the initial stage, the original village was only a small area which located in the east side along the main road. There are only two roads outside of the village

From 1883, the village extended three times as large as the original one to the south. The new area was also in the same direction of the western main road to the old village and along this road. Besides it, a railway crossing the extended area was built.

In the third stage of the development of the village from 1922, the area doubled to the second stage and was built along the south of the railway.

The fourth stage experienced the most significant development of Chorleywood. Its size was about two times as large as this in third stage . There was also a motorway built and it was parllel to the western main road. All of these new location was expanded around the main roads, the motor way and ther railway. As can be seen, A local park and a golf course was settled in the center of the village.

End.

I'll try to highlight the mistakes you've made, those that i can see.

Cheers.

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#5 [url]

Jul 8 06 7:33 PM

@ Aibolit: Please highlight some of the suggestions that I have made for your writing last time. I want the whole class not only to correct grammar mistake
but also to make suggestions and cmnts on how to write most effectively. .

Eg: You shouldn't use three words "stage" in your writing. Try to make various choice of word and way to express an idea, such as: In the next step ..., the next development..., the lagest growth was in..., the next period..., etc. This would help you to raise you bandscore for writing.


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